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Celebrity Interviews:
Dr. Phil …. Up Front and Personal
by Liz Sterling ©2008
Dr. Phil McGraw has identified important Life Laws, and he says, “You create your own experience. Recently he had to use his own advice in overcoming the Brittney Spears fiasco. And yet, he stepped up to the plate, ate some humble pie, took responsibility for his actions and moved on. Maybe we like to think that celebs are putting themselves on another level. The truth is -- we put them there. The celebs themselves, they are just like you and me. They are working on their relationships, struggling with issues of worth, living in a rapidly changing world and learning right from wrong. I had some reservations about featuring Phil after he jumped the gun on the Brittney interview, but the truth be told, he is an incredibly wise and gracious man and I wanted to share with you the Phil I know.
We met a couple of times. He was fully present and generous with his time. Phil spoke from his heart and gave me his unconditional attention when we were together. So here in a nutshell, is Dr. Phil’s Wisdom.
”You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is,” he says. “You create the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from them. So don't play the role of victim, or use past events to build excuses. It guarantees you no progress, no healing, and no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of yourself.”
”Every choice you make, “he continues, “including the thoughts you think, has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts — which will take a lot of discipline — you'll get the right consequences. These insights are tips McGraw incorporated into his book, Life Strategies.
McGraw also wrote Self Matters, which I found to be very insightful. He told me that, “When we think back over our lives we will see there were 10 Defining Moments, 7 Critical Choices and 5 Pivotal People. Rather than trying to unravel the jumbled mess of an overwhelming lifetime, identifying just these key elements can be hugely enlightening. It will show us how we have become who we are." McGraw postulates that it is time for us to make a Life Style Audit. "We work too hard for what we don't want." Dr. Phil's most challenging question is: Am I doing today what I really want to do--or is it simply because I did it yesterday?
Dr. Phil says, “The most important influences on our self-concept, our quality of life, how we feel inside, how we feel about ourselves, just happens to us, rather than being chosen or orchestrated by us. The external factors, of which we have no control, because they are largely historical, are what happens. The internal factors are how we react to the events of our life." This, McGraw says is where the real power lies.
He invites us to recognize that we live on a continuum ranging from the "authentic self" where in we live consistently with our gifts, dreams, visions and passions; to the "fictional self" which denies who we really are and instead allows us to be defined by the world's expectancies and assigned roles. "The 'Fictional Self' is like a not very good old friend,” he continues. “We have to know when to let go."
You cannot change what you do not acknowledge, McGraw includes in his Life Laws. He believes it is important to get real with yourself about life and everybody in it, to be truthful about what isn't working in your life and he wants us all to stop making excuses and start making results.
”If you're unwilling or unable to identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors, characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your life.) You've got to face it to replace it., he says. “Work on gaining confidence because low self-esteem and pent up guilt gives you an excuse to sit on the sidelines. It gives you an excuse to be less than you can be. Behave your way to success. If you want to be loved, be loveable. If you want to get your family interested in your life, get interested in their lives.”
“In relationships,” Dr. Phil says, “You are fully accountable. Only when you stop seeing yourself as a victim will you start to see yourself as a fully competent and potent force in your relationship. Accept the risk of vulnerability, promote your partner's self-esteem, be up front and forthright, and make yourself happy instead of right.
Robin McGraw, wife of this best-selling author and television talk show Host, has made "family first" her mission. Married for 30 years to Dr. Phil, Robin has made her marriage and raising their two sons her priority in life. She has worked hard to make her relationship work. Robin is a constant presence on the Dr. Phil show since the very first episode and viewers have embraced Robin's contributions to the show because she makes it real for us. We get to see what it looks like to stand by the side of someone you love and to roll with the punches. That’s what life is, I have learned. We have ups and downs, good days and bad days; peaks and valleys. “Put motion into your emotion,” Dr. Phil says. “You must turn the concept of love into a proactive behavior. Don't let yourself be consumed with negative messages .You must require of yourself and of all your relationships -- to truly be -- the best it can be.
Visit Dr. Phil's Web Site
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