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Celebrity Interviews:
Rikki Klieman
Walk barefoot more often, watch more sunsets, eat more ice cream. Laugh a little, laugh a little more.
Rikki Klieman was a great woman to connect with, even though we had to "start over". Sometimes a fresh start is a smart start. Enjoy the article. She is chock full of information and inspiration! Thank you Rikki.
by Liz Sterling ©2008
Rikki's phone wasn't working. Every time we connected, there was a dial tone on the line. We had to start over a few times. We finally got a good connection and through that, we truly connected. Our early morning conversation was rich in insights and wisdom. It became a unique sharing of two women on opposite coasts who emerged one hour later, enlivened, enriched and excited to greet a new day and a new sunrise.
Rikki Klieman was in California. It was 6 a.m. on her coast, 9 a.m. in Florida. The clouds covered the sky on this winter morning and yet, by the time our phone call was over, not only had the sun come out, but the warmth of womanhood and friendship had awakened within to brighten our day. Sometimes, I thought to myself, rough starts can be the incentive to start over.
Starting Over
"There have been days I've wanted to start over," Klieman laughed after our fiasco with the phone lines. "I have a theory for this. When I have a day where I see it's not working, I come home, take a shower, wash my hair and go out and start the day again. You know," she continued, "we've all had days that are not working the way we want
them to."
Rikki Klieman is a former television anchor, legal analyst, trial attorney, actor and best-selling author. She is one of the nation's most celebrated lawyers and legal authorities who has found success in multiple fields, including television journalism, the courtroom, academia and public speaking.
She served as anchor at the Courtroom TV Network since 1994 and is currently a legal analyst for CBS's Early Show. Klieman has written an inspiring autobiography, Fairy Tales Can Come True - How a Driven Woman Changed Her Destiny. Rikki Klieman has been seen on numerous television shows including NBC's Las Vegas, CBS's new production, Shark, NYPD Blue, and Boston Legal. She was featured in the film version of A Civil Action with John Travolta, a reporter on the television show The D.A., and as a lawyer in the film Fifteen Minutes with Robert DeNiro and Ed Burns.
"How do you center your day rather than plan your day," I asked. She responded from experience. "You can find hints everywhere that help you stay balanced. One of the hints came to me from the book, French Women Don't Get Fat. One of the suggestions in the book was about sipping water so I took that idea, massaged it and resolved to keep a bottle of water in the bathroom. When I get up in the morning, just like brushing my teeth, a ritual I don't really think about anymore, I go into the bathroom, splash some water onto my face, take a sip or two from the bottle of water and I am very clear about becoming present in my day and the blessings that are coming to me. I honor the gift of life. It is not a religious experience. Some people have said I sound very Buddhist but no, it is about centering myself and becoming present.
"The core or center of my being is recognizing the gift of life and acknowledging that I can take a moment and just be instead of doing. You know the phrase; we are human beings not human doings. We all juggle and multi-task. We are living in a constant past and future and really, your center is being present in the moment in the space you are in. I am sure everyone has some simple place that is beautiful-be it a park, garden, ocean or lake, some place where you can recollect in your mind tranquility-where you can take a deep breath and feel, this is a great place to be.
"All of us have problems and suffer," she continued, "but it is important for us to find or cultivate a feeling of gratitude. Life is a journey that we are on and we can find the gift in the moment. It's like a conscious meditation-feeling our balance and gratitude puts you in a stronger place. Tomorrow morning when you wake up and start the day anew, look in the mirror, recognize the great gift of life and realize the gift that you have in the moment."
The Times They Are A Changing
Since Rikki has been in the industry for many years and has been active in mentoring college students, I asked about how the times have changed.
"I observed over the past 13 years that the challenges for women in college have changed, just as the challenges have changed for older women. In the '90s women wanted to be as successful as possible. Success was defined by a job, title and financial success. I have noticed a dramatic shift. Now the collegiate women I mentor ask how I can be successful, satisfied with my job, raise a family and have a mate. That was a question that would never have been asked 14 years ago. You know my line always is, 'Superman is a fictional character and so is Superwoman.' When I spoke to 1300 women who were lawyers in 1999, it was the first time I had shifted from a communication and power talk about how to get to the top of the ladder, secure the corner office or how to be the most successful person possible to talking about establishing balance in your life. Well, let me tell you, it was heresy and it was regarded with a great deal of hostility. They didn't want to hear about personal life issues.
"Today, when I talk to college women, they are rebelling against our generation. They are rebelling against their mothers who were working and some young women are highly resentful of their mother's success at their expense. Today, women want a husband or significant other, they want children, they do not want to be working 17-hour days and yet they have this vision for success. Many have a life plan to achieve that success. So what I say is: 'You can not plan your life in 5-year intervals for the next 5-25 years because your plan will not become reality.' Have a sense of who you are in the world as you are growing and be observant of W.G.O.-What's Going On-what is pleasing and what is offering you personal satisfaction. Many young women want to be me or you today. Well, that's not realistic. Get the best job you can, learn from it and reassess at the end of 6 months, in 1 year and all the way up to a 3-year period. And put it on your calendar-call it assessment day and evaluate where you are. Ask yourself if you are you growing and feeling creative and happy? Life plans inhibit the ability for women to experience their lives because they are always living for the future. We really have to allow life to unfold. I believe you can establish goals for 6-month intervals and no goal should be longer than 3 years. If you do the periodic assessment, you allow yourself to change."
Grateful that my college daughter can read this article, inside I was clambering to turn the attention to women who are empty-nesters and women who are redefining themselves in mid-life.
On Redefining Ourselves
"For any woman considering new possibilities at mid-life, I first say, you have to do the work. It is worthwhile to read self-help books, to take empowerment courses and attend seminars to affiliate with like-minded people. Join a woman's group where these issues are open for discussion. You have to have tools. It's not all intuitive. I believe it is important to have these discussions out loud in a safe environment and to be able to look at what will bring you fulfillment. Look at what drives your passion. What is it that when you get up in the morning, if within your financial means, you could do? For example, if you wake up and want to run a marathon on Friday, that is not feasible, but in 6 months you could. You would have to train. If your passion is driven by running a marathon, you would. But why are we so unwilling to train that mental muscle, to train the mind to find the passion in our lives? Why are we so unwilling to train the mechanism of language to change the focus in our lives? The oven roasts, the toaster toasts, and the mind has thoughts. The mind has thoughts and it's the same way those appliances work. If the toaster breaks you fix it. So why can't we work with the power of the mind to re-script our thoughts. And you have to re-script with vigor.
"I often ask women, what is the one thing that drives your passion and many people have no answer, so the simplest devices work. I suggest something for every day for a week, and if you need more, do it for a month. At the end of the day, when you say something negative about yourself, you put it in the left column. Positive thoughts go in the right column. And of course, the left column is far busier than the right column. But you will see, the things you feel good about will emerge, in a day, a week and certainly within a month. For me, I danced from the age of 4 - 24 and I haven't danced or taken a class since I was 24. And I recently found myself, maybe with the craze of Dancing with the Stars, that it was clear to me, I wanted to dance again. Tears would roll down my face when I would see movies like Take the Lead or Billy Elliot. So, I did some research and enrolled in a dance class. I found a place to dance and I went to Capezio to buy my ballet slippers. At first, I went to the dance place and watched through the window. I could feel both my passion and the fear. Billy Elliot said, 'When I dance I feel transformed, I feel electricity.' I do too. If you open up the space of possibility, things come through. You may find it in gardening, language classes, baking or beading. There are things in life that don't bring you money, don't bring you a title but will make you feel better than anything else."
Love, Sex and Romance
"A lot of women give up on love and sex and romance. They think it's gone and say it's fine and I say it's nonsense. The experience of sexual pleasure is something we are entitled to and something we enjoy. If you go to bed in your flannels…it's time to become the woman you are. Go out and buy some lingerie. That can dramatically change your life. You can renew your life with romance."
On Taking Risks
"It's risky, this business of life. It's a risk to put yourself out there, to be friends with someone you admire, to cut your hair, to find a mentor. They take personal courage. "My mother was the wisest woman I ever knew. And when she died, she left me a piece of prose by her bed. In effect it said, 'Walk barefoot more often, watch more sunsets, eat more ice cream. Laugh a little, laugh a little more.' At the time of her death, I was not doing any of those things, except maybe eating ice cream. I was so driven I didn't give myself the time for any of life's delights. This simple piece of prose helped create a dramatic shift in how I look at life. And I say the sunsets are so much more beautiful when you have someone to share them with-be it a friend, lover, husband or child. It's important to share the beauty of life with others."
So as the spring awakens the buds and nourishes the land again, take time for yourself; find your center, establish balance, connect with others and have gratitude for all the seasons of your life.
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